Serenity

A picturesque location from China. I would like to visit this place someday ...

Success and happiness

Success. We chase it all the time. More importantly, we link our happiness to it. Our happiness depends on it so heavily. So heavily that our existence starts losing its meaning without success. In fact the quest for success in life becomes the sole aim for our existence. 

So what is success? I wish I knew it in definite terms. But let me make an attempt. Success to me is being able to attain what I aimed to attain. And this is a very loose definition. So being able to reach the office when I want to reach there be called a success? I am sure people would laugh at this statement. So may be that people are also linking success with the degree of difficulty associated with attaining / achieving what you aimed at. Okay, so I will make another attempt. Is being able to reach office in time during rush hours be termed as success? ... Hmmm...People are still going to smile at this statement. In that case, probably it is not just the degree of difficulty to achieve. A success is a success only if fewer people can achieve it. So what about commuting to office which is located in a city some 100 km away? Will it then qualify for being termed as success? NO? Ohhh people are just impossible to please. So what more? Success should bring rewards as well. Else it is not a success. To sum this up, commuting everyday to an office 100 km away during rush hours is NOT a success !!

The whole point which I keep getting is that it is the people around you who keep defining what your success should look like. And no matter what you do, they will keep changing the parameters of success for you. It ends up like chasing a moving target or a mirage. You attach your happiness to this moving target. And the target would have changed when you reach there. And happiness remains still so elusive. And you remain exasperated as ever!!

My take on this whole concept of success and happiness is that they should be treated as two mutually exclusive entities. A person has the basic right to be happy and remain happy irrespective of his score in the success department. Success definitely brings joy and associated benefits. But it can not be the reason to feel deprived of happiness in absence of success. Any views from any one?

Anxiety - a relentless stalker

Anxiety is such a creepy word. I always have the feeling that it keeps looking for me all the time. It follows me like paparazzi! I kind of feel funny about this whole feeling of being stalked by a not a person but an emotion. And it keeps coming to me in all possible places, situations, times, season, month, and what not :-)

Guys do not have stalkers. That is essentially a girl's privilege. So God created anxiety to stalk the men!! 

On a more serious note, I would like to admit that I get caught in a maze whenever I try to deal with this phenomenon called anxiety. But what I have figured out is that "wait" is perhaps the most common root cause for anxiety. If you are waiting for something to happen or hoping for something not to happen, either ways you are likely to get it. Unsure outcomes of future are the most likely causes for anxiety. It can keep you worried till the time you face the outcome.But regardless of  nature of the outcome, it can eat your precious time and happiness.

I am still unable to figure out a sure shot way to deal with anxiety. But the only way out is to try to switch off and get into some bigger task to keep you busy. Can someone tell me if they have found a way to handle this relentless stalker? I want to know the way. I will be anxiously waiting till the day someone posts me a good solution :-)

Passion for success - Is that worth it?

Passion. This word is driving the world crazy. Management gurus constantly keep advocating to follow your dreams like crazy. Constantly you are banged with the concept of putting in a lot of passion into what you do to achieve the end results. And like always, I get into a big debate within myself with respect to this very idea of cultivating this culture of passion.
So what is this whole noise about passion? To me, passion is to love or desire something / someone without bounds and transgress the limits to achieve the object of desire. Great idea? Umm... I am not very sure. I look at it a little differently. To be honest, I have some reservations about this whole idea about injecting passion into the work. No doubt it works. And works like anything. But with the tremendous energy  and the ultimate focus it brings into the work, it also can generate a lot of negativity around with a touch of self centered attitude. Just look around to see some very successful athletes, very successful businessmen,  very successful musicians or actors around. They all put a lot of passion in their work. And they have reached great heights. But if you hold on and take a little closer look, a different kind of reality starts staring at you. Beyond the success they achieved by passionately pursuing their dreams, there is often a darker side to them. Innumerate problems starting from bad relationships, alcoholism, drugs, road rage, and whole list of other unthinkable situations are found to be surrounding these people. If you are not convinced, keep an eye on the nearest role model you can  closely watch. Try to dig a little underneath and you may find unpleasant realities peeping out.

So am I saying that we should stop following our dreams? Not at all. My whole reservation is about the concept of injecting passion in our pursuits. What about bringing in sheer love? I sincerely think that it is a very positive emotion with no less energy. Love is pure. Love is gentle. Love is tender and yet so powerful. While passion is selfish, Love is selfless. Passion can be hurtful. Pure love can never hurt. Passion is the hunger to possess by all means. Love is the freedom to release. Working out of love can only bring the best yet can not cause hurt. To self and to others. Working out of love is accommodating. Passion leaves no room for accommodation. Does this make sense? If it does not, you need to wait. Till I write more about it in my next blog post ... Not with passion but with love :-)

Stress - the mechanics behind it

In my last post, I emphasized on the fact how the human craving for "More" is a potential source of stress and unhappiness due to the complications that it brings in. I have also been trying to decode the mystery behind stress. And this is what I think it really is.
Stress is often not a malady in itself. It is a by-product of our actions, thoughts, and desires. I view it as something which is caused by the level of importance you attach to your actions, thoughts, desires, expectations and the end results. Example? Okay here it is. Being late for any event can cause stress only if it is important enough to catch it in time. What will happen if you reach late to your office?
a. Miss a meeting / deadline for an activity.
b. May lose half a day of leave.
c. Poor impression with boss, peers or juniors.
One or more of these are the most possible outcomes. But can it be a matter of life and death? I bet that the answer is mostly a NO. But look at people during the morning rush hours. Their faces tell a grim story. They apparently think that it is a matter of life and death. They honk, they swear, they get into verbal fights with other commuters and you can easily see the high stress levels as a collective negative energy on the roads.

So what to do? Stop worrying about meetings, deadlines, bosses, or even absent marks? I don't think I want to suggest that. Then what to do?

I suggest one has to reduce the degree of importance attached. At least not till the time you actually reach the work place. Take a chill pill. Enjoy the commute with all its challenges. Try to reduce stress for others. If someone is in a great hurry, give him way with a smile. At least let him feel better.Shouting at him is going to increase the stress for two people. Smiling and giving way does not mean you are losing a battle. It is actually a way of winning it.! And winning it collectively for all.

I am sure not many will take this suggestion as a strategy. But I am not going to stress myself with that thought either. I am keeping my expectation levels low enough not to cause me any stress :-)

Yeh dil mange more

Why people have stress? Why people are unhappy? Why people do not seem to be satisfied even after having a decent livelihood, relationships and good health ?

This is a million dollar question. A very simple answer lies in one sentence - Yeh dil mange more. Or in simple English it mean the heart craves for more. This "more" is the one force behind how the mankind has evolved in its journey so far. I strongly feel it is the single most powerful cause of all the not so happy things in this world.

Let me elaborate with an example - You initially used to walk to your work place and then came the desire for a public bus to be available on that route to take you there. And there came the many associated stressful things despite the ease and comfort it brought. You struggle with crowds, pollution, change for tickets, worried  about pick pockets, eve teasing, and the list goes on. So once again the heart craved for more. A bike or may be car would be ideal. So now you have traffic congestion, rash co-commuters, high fuel costs, high maintenance, insurance premiums, police cops etc. to worry about !! The same pattern continues in all aspect of life. A bit of thought will make it visible. Be it relations, job, house, education or any other thing in this world. This pattern is everywhere. Result ? Stress, unhappiness, discontentment, anger, frustration

So does this mean we should go back to stone age in the hope that we become stress free? Nope. Is there a solution in sight? Maybe. My observation is that to reduce stress levels, one has to reduce expectation levels. Simple formula is to do more and expect less. Be like any other animal on the planet. Aim for the sky like a human but be happy when you got two square meals just like an animal.Keep the things simple. Do not try to read too much into what is going around, who is doing what and things like that.

I want to write more on this. But let me keep it simple. So I will do it sometime later. 

DOING NOTHING WITH A PASSION ...

Do what you love the most. We hear this way too often. Then wonder what we love doing! A person like me finds the going even tougher since I love nothing. I mean doing NOTHING!! Then how do I DO NOTHING? Can someone offer any clues here? Actually it is very simple. You can actually DO NOTHING by doing something you DO NOT love doing. So effectively you DO NOTHING (which you actually love)!! On a serious note, this statement bugs me a lot. There are different things I love to do … at different times. So how can I be doing something that I love all the time? People talk about following their passion. I do not know how you do that. Passion is about spending huge energy doing things and still feeling happy upon being exhausted. And then be ready to do the same thing upon the next available opportunity. So trying to bring my passion into doing NOTHING! More on this later ……