Who am I ?

Who am I? I wish I knew.

Why I am here? I wish I knew.

What do I do? I wish I knew.

Where do I go from here? I wish I knew.

So what do I know?

I know that I know lesser than I need to know.

I know that I talk more than I need to.

I know that I did not come here out of my choice.

I know that not all what I do is what I really want to do.

But I also know somethings that I bit unsure about.

Not so sure, but I know that I am making an impact.!

Not so sure, but I know that my today is not bad. But tomorrow will be awesome !

Not so sure, but I know that I am doing few things that I love !

Not so sure, but I know that where I go from here is around the whole world !

Not bad to know all this. Isn't it? !!!

Little did they know ...

Someone told me that I could be a good writer. I took him very seriously. It was only later he told that he just meant that for my handwriting. Little did he know I would try my skills to write love letters to his daughter!

Someone told me that I could be a good singer. I took him very seriously. It was only later he told that he just meant that within the confines of my bathroom. Little did he know I would try my singing skills to woo his daughter!

Someone told me that I could be a good painter. I took him very seriously. It was only later he told me that he meant was painting the walls with distemper. Little did he know I would try painting the town red along with his daughter !

Someone told me that I could be a good designer. I took him seriously. It was only later he told that he meant me to design sign boards. Little did he know I would have designs on his daughter !

Someone told me I could be a good runner. I took him seriously. It was only later he told me that he meant me to run a sprint. Little did he know I used my skills to chase his daughter !

One day all five of them with their daughters marched towards my house to kill me. And what they get to see? I wrote my own epitaph. Designed my own coffin box. Painted my own tomb stone. Sung my own swan song. And when they were confident that I am dead with guilt, I eloped with the prettiest of the five daughters ! Finally, I had identified what I was really good at !

You never know ...

It was 6.30 in the morning.Vincent had just finished his night shift duty. He logged off his computer and took eager strides towards the exit after waving at the office security guard with a bright smile. He took the elevator to the basement, picked his bike and quickly got on the empty streets. After about 5 minutes drive, he felt little sleepy and decided to get a cup of tea to be able to remain awake for the remaining ride.

He parked his bike in front of a tea stall near Gandhi memorial park and ordered a cup of ginger tea. And then as he leaned on the footpath rails, thoughts started rolling in his head. He had just completed his first year in Dream Destinations, the travel company of international repute. The job had been good so far. And the management was very happy with his work. The talks were on to give him a raise even before the usual annual cycle which was 4 months away. "It is all because of Cynthia,"he said to himself. Cynthia, the unknown angel, who kept bumping into him in two of his previous interviews. And the last one was special. She literally gifted him the job by taking him to the interview venue within hours of hitting hopelessness in his job hunt. And she did not even appear herself despite being in desperate need of a job herself.

Every meeting with this unknown angel had been a learning experience for Vincent. "She is such a positive person. She even sacrificed her opportunity to help me get into this job. How can I ever thank her. And I am such a dumb-ass. I never bothered to call her or see her after that. I think I must thank her in person. I am sure she will be very happy," Vincent's thoughts continued rolling in his mind. He remembered how she shrugged off every disappointment after the two failed interviews that he attended with her.

As he started sipping the hot ginger tea from the paper cup, he turned to his back to have a look at park entrance. And what he saw stunned him. He saw Cynthia walking with a pram with a kid sitting in it. " Cynthia has a kid? I never knew that! " He looked at her with disbelief. He quickly sipped his tea and then crossed the road to follow Cynthia in the park. "Hey Cynthia!" He called her loudly. Cynthia turned to face  him and gave him back a glowing smile. " Hi Vincent! What a surprise to see you here!"She said. Vincent was very happy to see her. And a bit surprised or may be confused. He rushed towards her and gave her a big hug. Looking at the little over an year old kid sleeping in the pram, he asked," Err ...Who is she? Or he? Sorry, I know nothing about you." Cynthia's expression changed. She said, " I think we should catch up over coffee. What about today evening at Mount Cafe?" Vincent nodded. They talked a bit about his job and then went away with a promise to meet at Mount Cafe at 5 pm on the same day.  

5 pm at Mount Cafe. A coffee shop in the western suburb in an old building inhabited mostly by Catholics. Vincent sat with a grim face and listened to Cynthia intently.

" Suchint was my classmate in school and then in college. We were best of friends initially and then fell in love. Our marriage was always expected to get resistance from both families because we belonged to different religions. Suchint was keen to pursue his higher studies in the US. His family put a condition that my father sponsor his studies. So we fell apart. He got engaged to a girl of his family's choice and left for US. I was very hurt and decided not to marry. I broke all ties with him and even though he always apologized to me for giving in to family wishes, I could never forgive him. 5 years passed. He got married and had a baby girl. The day you got your job, he happened to visit me with his wife and kid. When I saw him at my doorsteps, I was filled with loathe. I did not let him enter the house and told him to go away. He pleaded but I did not relent. He had no choice but to leave with his wife and the baby from my doorsteps. Barely past 3 km from my house, his car met with an accident and both of them lost their lives. But the baby survived."

Now there was complete silence in the room. Both of them had tears in their eyes. "It was a moment of truth for me. I had acted mean. I was harsh with the person whom I loved so much. I was filled with remorse. For the simple fact that despite practicing the most humane approach all my life, I gave in to my moment of weakness."

"So this is Suchint's daughter?"asked Vincent.

"Yes".

"I can understand the feeling of guilt. The remorse. The sadness. But don't you think it was a big decision?"

"I do not think so."

"It is a huge responsibility. His family should have taken care of the kid. They were the first to act mean."

"Vincent ! That is where we are all fall prey to our weaknesses. I loved Suchint. I could not get him or his love. But that should not have stopped me from giving the love back. His family made a mistake. And they got bigger punishment than they deserved. But the baby? Did she deserve that? Suchint's parents are old. Suchint's in-laws had passed away soon after his marriage. I had to step in."

"But Cynthia ... How will you?"

"I have now moved in with his parents. They take care of the kid while I am out for work. "

Vincent was completely clueless as his eyes were fixed at Cynthia in disbelief. Is this person real? Do such people exist?

"Vincent, do not look at me like this. Suchint's parents did not give me the opportunity to be his wife. But Suchint gave me this opportunity to be the mother of his child. And a duaghter-in-law to his parents. I got more than I ever hoped for."

Vincent could see a smile in her tearful eyes. Speechless, he stood up and walked towards her.He held both her hands in his and said " Do I have the permission to be the father of this baby?"

Now it was Cynthia's turn to look at him in disbelief. She could see the resolve in his eyes. She wanted to say something. But could not. Instead, she just rested her head on his shoulders ...

Not a happy ending ...

This is story of a garbage bin. Yes. Garbage bins too have stories. And this one is a man. Since no one gave him a name, he gave one to himself - "Dump-wen-U-please". And he had a nickname too. He called himself Dumpo. He stood near the main gates of a residential building. All day long and all night long. Till the time in the morning, when a  dumper truck from the municipality came to pick his belonging by turning him upside down. And he would be bottom slapped until he freed himself of the last piece of waste. And though he didn't quite enjoy being slapped on his bottom, that would make him feel lighter and ready to begin yet another day.

This was a typical day for him. The summers were approaching and the sun was getting harsher within a short time of arriving in that part of the world. Soon the maids working in different households of that building started coming in and dumping  the garbage into him. They were harsh with him. They never showed respect to him. No school taught that. No parents taught that. Only thing they knew was to get close enough to make sure the garbage went in. And distant enough not to get the stink."My fate", he sighed. And tried to shift his thoughts. 

"Mr. Khanna is lucky. His wife cooks delicious chicken curry. Do not know really why she dumps most of it everyday. And then why does she cook so much in the first place?"

Little did he know about the old aged Khannas and their reason behind making enough food to last few guests just in case they arrived.

"Anyways, her curries really smell good. But they become rotten by evening and the nights become difficult for me."

Dumpo was sometimes helped by the cows and stray dogs in his locality who got the smell early to clear the mess. The cows flocked when leafy vegetables were dumped in him. But when chicken curry was dumped, the dogs made sure, they do not let anyone around. And in the process, they at times toppled him and let the contents spill out. And so the life went on.

But this was a special morning. It was way past 10.30 am. And no maids had yet come to dump the waste on him. Not even the one who worked at the Khannas' place. He had seen some of them walking in. But they had not yet left the building. And then after sometime, outsiders started. Some were from neighboring areas. And some unknown faces too. They all entered in silence and walked towards the block where the Khannas stayed. Soon the picture got clear. It was a funeral that left the building. Mr. Khanna walked in the front with tearful eyes. There were women who were seen sobbing. A group of men who carried a dead body on their shoulders  walked behind and they soon put the body in a mini bus and left the building. Dumpo could quickly figure this out. Mrs. Khanna had left for her heavenly abode. For a few minutes, his mind went blank. This was sudden departure. But when did ever a garbage bin get to hear health bulletins about people? 

The night past. The next day was more stinky. More garbage except the chicken curry arrived. Dumpo silently mourned for the death. He knew that his feelings mattered to no one. And he had reconciled to this reality. So the day passed as usual. And then few weeks passed. Life went on ...

It was a Sunday afternoon. Dumpo saw Mr. Khanna walking towards him with some waste bin. He seemed to have lost a lot of weight. The grief was still evident in his looks. He came and dumped all the content in that brief moment and walked back. The polythene bag got torn as it fell inside the Dumpo and few loose papers came out. Dumpo could see and read the contents of the loose papers. They were torn pages of a personal diary. A cursory glance aroused his curiosity and then he started not to stop before reading what was written. 

Mrs. Khanna had written - " My dear Sujay, our bundle of joy, your mamma's teddy bear, it has been 15 years today that you left us to fight for the country on the borders. You always wrote me in your letters  that you miss my chicken curry on the war front till the time you stopped writing to me  and started coming to see me everyday in my dreams. You would promise that you are coming with 3 of your best friends in army whom you have been telling about the awesome chicken curry that I prepare. That they do not have a mom whose cooking they ever got to taste. That they are too keen to have the curry that you keep bragging about. And I have kept my word every single day in those years. I have been preparing the curry for four of you and waiting till late in the night for four of you to arrive. But I am angry with you. You have not shown up. But no worries. Mamma understands your job. It is just that I am getting older. Sometimes, I hurt my hands chopping the onions and sometimes handling the stove. Sometimes I put more salt. And I have to prepare it again. Come soon. My eyes are failing. I want to see the love and pride in your eyes before I am gone."

Dumpo now had tears in his eyes. "So this is the story behind the chicken curry" he thought. He was miserable for the whole day and night for next one week. 

It was a Sunday morning. Dumpo was recovering from the sadness. And he saw Mr. Khanna walking towards him with yet another pile of papers. He dumped the pile inside Dumpo. And now Dumpo started looking into what were the papers about. And a letter opened itself to reveal its message. It read " Mom n Dad, I am coming back home next week. After spending 15 years in enemy captivity, I am eager to see you both. And Mom, please be ready with the chicken curry. Make a lot. My friends are coming too. Love." Dumpo suddenly heard a sound. Mr. Khanna had collapsed on the way of going back to his block. He immediately realized. It was yet another full stop to a life. He was shattered. He was in a shock. The time had come. The next day people saw that the garbage bin had cracked completely and the contents had come out raising a stink in the building. A funeral left the building that day. And soon after, the garbage bin was also on its way to the dumping ground in the municipal truck. It had served its life ...  

Dark hour

It was a cold winter evening. The days were small and the darkness prevailed on the skies as the sun set early. Ashutosh had still not reached home though he had left his workplace early today. He had started the day early and had still not finished his work. But he was unable to focus any more and asked his boss for an early off. He walked out, got into his car and headed for a pub which was some 5 kilometers away. After spending good three hours in the pub and 5 drinks later, he came out and again installed himself on the car seat. It was 7th of January today. As he drove, his mind wandered in the by-lanes of some dark memories of events that happened some 5 years back on this very day of the month.

"Please get these injections from the nearby medical store. Sister, I am going to Nirmal Hospital for the night shift. Administer the injections to the patient the moment the injections arrive and keep her under vigil. Give me call the moment you notice any deterioration in condition. She is critical but the injections will keep the symptoms under control. They are so far working well for her" Doctor Prashant said. But the worry was clearly seen in his eyes. Vishakha, Ashutosh's fiancee, was brought to the hospital with a head injury that she sustained after slipping on the road from her two wheeler. Some critical areas of her brain were injured and she was being given the treatment till the time she could be shifted to Apollo Indraprasth hospital in Delhi. This was the last time, Dr. Prashant saw his patient alive. He got a call from the nurse, Sister Jisha, at half past one that the patient was critical and Vishakha had taken her last breath by the time he reached his nursing home. Five years had passed yet Ashutosh had every memory fresh in his mind of that life changing incident of his life."

"Miss you Vishakha", he said to himself when the train of his thoughts was interrupted by a scooty which overtook his car from the wrong side out of nowhere. He forced the brake and brought the car to a sudden halt. The scooty halted too and the rider looked back. " Sorry and thanks !" a female voice came. And the scooty vanished in a lane. Ashutosh was in a shock. More than the sudden appearance of a scooty from nowhere, it was the voice which had shocked him. It was the voice. Yes the voice. It was Vishakha. Yes it was Vishakha. That voice could not have been of anyone else. Ashutosh tried to make an attempt to get into the lane. But seemed too narrow to get his car in. He took a deep breath and took the direction of his home. He was now feeling stupid. "Dead people do not come back. I am too obsessed with her thoughts and the drinks also went beyond limits today,"He dismissed the experience of hearing Vishakha's voice.

Parking his car on the desolated street, he entered the house. It was pitch dark and he struggled to reach the switch board. When even after trying couple of switches, his attempt to put on the lights failed, he realized that there was some problem. Perhaps the fuse of the mains was gone and needed to be replaced. He tried walking to other corner of the room guided by the light from his smartphone. And he almost lost his balance when his foot got stuck in a stool which he had careless left on the carpet. Again he had reason to be surprised. "Careful !! You may fall" These words fell on his ear. Again the voice was familiar. He became nervous. It was Vishakha's voice yet again. "How can that be?" His hands were cold yet there were some drops of sweat on his palm.

His eyes turned towards the old rocking chair in one corner of the room which for some reason appeared brighter than the other parts. And now he could see the silhouette of a girl sitting on the chair. Now he knew exactly where the voice came from.
"Ashutosh, thanks for today."
"Th .. thanks? For what?"
"Thanks for not letting me be run over by your car"
"Oh that. You suddenly appeared out of nowhere. But I was lucky. The brakes worked well."
" The guys whose car hit me also had his car brakes working fine."
"So ... so ... what happend then? How you got hit and fell down?"
"The car was fine. The driver was drunk. He pressed the accelerator thinking it was a brake."
"Ohh ... I did not know that. You went in a coma soon after your accident. You never came out of it." Now tears were rolling down his eyes.
"True. I would be there with you had he not drunk."
"Yeah ... umm" Ashutosh could barely speak now. With five drinks down his throat, he was unable to face Vishakha today.
"But I am happy. You can keep your control even after five pegs."
"I am ... sorry. Vishu. I promise. Never again." Ashutosh completely choked. The alcohol was fast losing its grip.
"I know Ashutosh. I am sorry I was not in my senses before I died. I should have told this earlier. But today I am sure. You will not let any other Ashutosh lose his Vishakha" This time Vishakha's voice also seemed to be choking.
"I promise. Never again. Come back Vishu. I love you a lot."
"Love you too Ashu. But I have to go."
"Please ... I beg"
"Some other time Ashu"
The girl disappeared.
The dawn broke. Birds woke up. But not Ashu. Just an empty bottle of sleeping pills to his side. And small white paper on his bedside with something scribbled on it which was hardly legible.It said - " Vishu. I never realized that the two wheeler I had bumped in the darkness of the night 5 years back driving drunk was yours. I fell asleep after that and forgot everything that had happened. When I woke up, you were in the hospital struggling for life. And I lost you. But today I know I lost you to alcohol. I know this is not the way to come close to you yet again. But I can't spend a lifetime missing you. So coming to be close with you. Just want my friends to know. If you want to have your Vishu for keeps, keep the alcohol away. Love you till eternity. Yours  Ashu"

Hope and Disappointment

Life is a journey between hope and disappointment. The starting point is always hope. But in between there are multiple stations called disappointment. Your journey terminates once you reach the disappointment junction. And then you need to go back to the beginning station renovated with hope and start all over yet again. At least Victor thought so. Last 6 months, he was jobless. His previous employer had shut his business. The economy was down and not many new jobs around. All his application were getting lost in the big heap of applicants queuing up for the few opportunities that surfaced.

It was one more day like this. He walked in the reception of a company which was hiring for a position that had got vacant. And after the initial talk with the lady handling the reception desk, he turned his back to her to find  seat on the sofa opposite her. And it was a familiar face he saw occupying one corner of the sofa.
" Hi Cynthia ! So nice to meet you again!" He kept his voice low but hardly hid his excitement. 

The person on the sofa was none other than the girl whom he had met at one another such interview only 3 months back. And what a sweet surprise to have met her again. "Happy ending in sight," He murmured in his head. " In fact another disappointment may be waiting somewhere near", his head retorted back. And his enthusiasm lowered.

"It is such a surprise to see you again!" Cynthia had a welcome eagerness in her voice. Victor just smiled. 

"So you too have come for the interview?"

"Yes."

"Hmm. A bit late though. Today they have picked the guy already."

"Ohh. Not again ..."  Victor could barely hide his disappointment.

" Yeah. They just informed the previous guy. Even the receptionist has gone inside now. Maybe they want to tell her to send back the remaining with apologies." Cynthia's completed her sentence with a sigh.

Together they walked out. Though they were down with disappointment, they found solace in each other. The previous meeting had given them enough comfort in each other's company. And there was no awkwardness. Victor picked up some roasted peanuts from a roadside vendor and they took a long walk on the busy street munching on them. 

"So what is your take on this?" Asked Victor.

"You mean regarding today's disappointment?" Said Cynthia.

"Hmm. Yes that is what I mean."

"Nothing much. It happens. There are better opportunities out there."

"You must be kidding. I am searching for a job for last 6 months with no success. I would be fooling myself if I were to think like that every time I am shown the door." Now the bitterness was showing in Victor's voice.

"Come with me!" said Cynthia took longer strides to get into the main entrance of another building. Victor now had a smile on his face.

"Last time she took me to her old dad. I am sure this time  she is taking me to a long suffering old aunt for another lesson!" He thought to himself.

But he was kind of amused at the spirit which this girl put on display all the time. And he kept following her. The building was a plush office complex. They took the elevator to the thirteenth floor and his eyes were dazzled when the elevator door opened. It turned out to be the office of Dream Destinations, an international tour operator. Some place he always hoped to work for. It was the finest office he had ever seen in his entire career so far. An expensive wall-to-wall carpet with very elegant furniture and the furnishings. The walls displayed the most exotic locations on the world map. The staff was impeccably dressed, had the most sophisticated clients waiting for their turn in the air-conditioned lounge.
"Give me your resume copy" whispered Cynthia and he obediently handed it to her. "Wait for me," said Cynthia before she made him sit on one of the fine piece of leather sofa and then went to talk to another lady among the staff. The conversation quickly got over and Cynthia came rushing to him." They are finalizing their night shift team today. Give it your best shot. Just go inside the third cabin. They want to conclude this interview quickly now".

A stunned Victor walked inside the cabin. He just took a deep breath and entered clueless. Cynthia waited outside. An hour passed. And two people walked out of the cabin with broad smiles on their faces. One of them was Victor. He shook hands with the elderly but elegant looking lady before he took his victory lap and reached Cynthia. " They are giving me the appointment letter in another 30 minutes" his face beamed with joy telling this. " Congratulations !" Cynthia said with the most sincere expression in her eyes. " Thanks". Victor was finding difficult to find the right words to express his gratitude.

" No problem." 

" But what about you?"

"It was not meant for me. I could not have done the night shift anyways."

" But still ... Why me?"

" Simple. They take overseas calls in the night shift. You can manage the accent really well."

" How can I ever repay this?"

"You do not have to. Just keep the faith."

" But what about you? You still do not have the job."

" I told you. There are better opportunities waiting. May be today is not the day. So I will wait." Cynthia said with a smile.

Victor was speechless. He was lost in thoughts.He never knew when Cynthia took his leave to catch another interview appointment. Just some changed perspective that he could see now. "Life is a journey which starts with hope. There are multiple stations by the name disappointment. If it comes in your journey, just do not get down the train. Continue with the journey. Your dream station will come. Most definitely." And he sunk deeper in the sofa. It was going to be his workplace. In another 30 minutes ... 

Happy endings

This is the story about a boy in his teens whose name was Victor. And like his name, he wanted to be a victor. Something that eluded him always. And he also wanted his story to have a happy ending, always. And that too eluded him, always. Every time, he took out to do something, he failed. He wanted to paint a beautiful picture. But never could fill all the colors.If he did, they got smeared at the last moment. He wanted to win a running race. But never could win any. He came close once but fell down in the last lap. His leg got entangled in another runners leg. He wanted to sing to a crowd. He was never allowed. When he was, he got a sore throat. He fell in love twice.The first girl never noticed him. The second one soon found another one who was good at getting frequent happy endings to his quests. So much as he aspired, happy endings always eluded him.

Many years passed. And he grew bigger and older. Life was going on. Nothing was wrong. Yet nothing was great either. His quest for a happy ending was still on. And happy endings continued to elude him as much as before. He wondered if that is ever going to happen. And then something happened. Yes the boy met the girl as it happens in every story. And this certainly was a situation that demanded happy ending. So one afternoon, Victor met Cynthia. She had come to apply for the same job which Victor had applied for. Both sat in the visitors' lounge waiting for their turn. But it was afternoon, and the employer walked out to have his lunch. This left the two of them thinking about what to do next. So they talked to each other. And decided to have lunch together. The lunch got them into longer conversation. And then it got over. And the interview got over next. None got the job. They walked out together and agreed to have the evening coffee together.

Both sat in a busy cafeteria on a nearby street. As the conversation progressed, Victor felt a strange feeling of comfort in talking about his own things to Cynthia. He told Cynthia about the happy endings that he always chased. And that they never happened to him. At least till now. Cynthia listened to it quietly and went into deep thoughts. After a while, she broke the silence. "Victor, we do not yet know each other well. But if you do not mind, can you meet me at the Imperial street on next Sunday?" Victor agreed. He generally had nothing to do on weekends. And Cynthia seemed to be a sensible person to spend the next Sunday with.

On next Sunday, both met at the agreed place. After initial hand shakes, Cynthia turned and started walking towards a building on the other extreme end of the road. Victor just followed. It was an old building in a dilapidated state. They entered it silently walked through a passage which had a few rooms resembling class rooms. Cynthia guided him to the stairway that took them to the first floor. Victor was wondering what is on Cynthia's mind. But he soon got his answer. Cynthia opened the door to a room which was really dark. He saw a lamp dimly glowing on a wooden table and sat an old man on a chair with his head sunk in a notebook kept on the table. He was writing slowly making some notes in it struggling to see his own written words in the dim light of the lamp. The old man had countless wrinkles on his face. He had few hair on his head. And though his eyes seemed to be alert, he did not seem to have noticed the presence of two more people in the room. And then suddenly Cynthia walked out of the room and Victor followed her. She kept on walking till they left the building and entered a nearby cafe which had few people sitting inside. She went and occupied a street facing table and Victor quietly joined her.
"Are you wondering what I am doing?"said Cynthia. "Umm ... yes." replied Victor.
" That old man is my father."
" Oh is he? Why didn't you introduce me to him?"
" I would have. But he can't hear anything."
" Ohh ..."
" He is a mathematician."
" That is nice."
" Yes. He studied under some very accomplished researchers.He was the most gifted mathematician of his times"
"Interesting. But what made you take me to him and then come back without saying a word?"
" Victor, my dad spent 55 years of his life in maths research. He was and is still one of the most gifted mathematician that this country has ever seen. But you know, his work was stolen at least three times before and published by some other folks as their own."
" That is unfair. He should have taken those people into court."
" Now that is the whole point Victor. He never wanted to do that."
"But why?"
" He always said - My rewards come from the solutions I derive. Not from the recognition people give. I enjoy the thought process and then the thrill of reaching the solutions. Nobody has ever been able to rob it from me. And that is all I need. For anything else, my paycheck does the needful "

Now it was Victor's turn to go into deep thoughts. His whole past life experiences came in front of his eyes. His painting was the most beautiful thing he ever created while it lasted. And when the paint got smeared, all the colors merged into one. His race got him get the best early morning experiences that he ever had. And though he stumbled in the last lap, the practice sessions in the lovely winter mornings were still fresh in his mind. And though he could never sing to a crowd, but his practice sessions made him feel the beautifully written lyrics as if they told his own story. And though he twice failed in love, he still can't forget how his ears used get warm and red when he fumbled with words trying to make a conversation with his teenage sweet hearts. He could now see so many happy stories of his own life. And the endings hardly seemed to matter. And all that seemed to have happened within a matter of last 30 minutes.

He looked at Cynthia. And she did not look like the girl that he thought she was. He was speechless. He just kept his hands over hers and covered her palms with his own. He could barely say, " Thanks !" and walked out quietly.Cynthia looked at him with a gentle smile on her face. He was no more looking for happy endings. Just looking to have many more never ending happy journeys. She waved at him when he was not even looking back and herself made a quiet exit. This indeed was a happy ending !

God and his messengers !

Have a look. It is my first attempt at story telling. Your critical suggestions are welcome. Also, let me know what you liked about it if you did.

Caution: Any resemblance to real life situations / people is completely intentional and meant to hurt the audience sentiments !

                                                   

                                                              God and his messengers 

God is omnipresent and omnipotent. So we believe. And even he believes so. But not everyone. There are some who feel that HE needs help and are more than eager to extend a helping hand. Especially when it comes to spreading his message. They are his self appointed messengers!

 If this doesn't make any sense to you, let me tell a story. Not a real one but still very close. But before I do that, there is another story. Did you guys ever read Dennis The Menace? A lot of you would have. That five year old boy with his mischievous antics that could leave everyone around him perplexed with their heads shaking. But the most funny part was his well-meaning attempts to help the elderly neighbor Mr. George Wilson that landed him into more trouble!Dennis almost always disrupts Mr. Wilson's attempts to lead a serene, quiet life for which Dennis thinks his help is needed !!

Ok so now that you have recalled the Dennis stories, I am ready with my story. It has two main characters. In fact one is a character and the other one is a caricature! And I do not know whom I can call the protagonist. Maybe you can decide when I finish. So here we go ...

 Not so long ago, there lived a man, Venugopal, in his early fifties in the city of Mumbai. He was a senior accountant in a small company which was into the marketing of garments of various top brands. He was like any average bloke who struggled his way to office in Mumbai locals for all his life. But his patient struggle for years was seemingly coming to an end and he finally got his dream car a couple of years back. It was a new gen Fiat which had an climate control AC that was like a payback from God to have braved Mumbai sweat all his life. From the small one room kitchen he rented once, he bought his first ever 2 BHK flat in a not so far suburb. His wife was long dead and his only daughter had left to the US to do her masters in genetic engineering. It had so far been a life of endurance and patience. But it was finally showing the rewards. Yet he never seemed to show any signs of being affected with the rewards. He was a kind of character who did not grumble in struggle. Nor did he look too excited by its rewards, his newly acquired belongings. He just remained his cheerful old self with an infectious smile and a ready to help attitude. His superiors were generally happy with him and he never gave them a chance to complain.He often offered to drop his colleagues to nearby railway stations to catch their late evening trains. On an odd occasion, his young friends took long rides in his car to catch up a movie in a suburban multiplex and he obliged. These would be long rides which was a time for him to hear some interesting stories and incidents from these younger folks. Sometimes, he advised them on life issues. But most of the time, he took advice from them. He kept up with changing times listening to young people. And they loved him for that.

So the life was going smoothly. At least till then. And then came 28th of November. A young lady landed in the office for her first job. She was taken as a management trainee in the sales division after passing out from a private management institute run by a local politician. A chubby girl with long tresses of hair. Dark in complexion. But who believed in puting on an even brighter lipstick to stand out despite her complexion. And an even more generous puff of talcum power on her face which made its traces all too evident on the lower neck. But this was not all to her. She carried a stupid look on her face which no makeup could conceal. Yet tried to make up for it with constant utterances which she thought were too intelligent for anyone to ignore !! But all this is later. I must tell how all this started which is quite a tale in itself.

So at around 10.15 am morning on 28th of November, Venugopal just walked out of the office washroom. And that was when he suddenly found himself looking at this young lady who took him by surprise. She was being guided inside by the receptionist Kavita to go to the sales section. He took a couple of steps back to make some space for the ladies to walk further in the narrow common area that led to the sales section. That is when Kavita introduced her - " Meet Simran. She is a management trainee who has joined today under Prathamesh. But Prathamesh is already out on a client meeting. Can you show her around please?". Venugopal gave his usual friendly smile and extended his hand towards Simran. "Venugopal. Accounts section." is what he said. And that is when came the first sign of what would be coming in next few days. Simran held his hand tightly and gave it a vigorous shake - "Simran Gulati. But I prefer being called Sweetie!". "Oh yes. Why not ? !" Venugopal hardly managed to utter the words. Interesting character, so he thought at her bold utterances. But he was in for more surprises. "Kavita you may go back to your desk. Venu can take me further from here," Simran aka Sweetie told casually. There were no signs of awkwardness or the hesitation of being in a new place with new people. Kavita happily left her with Venugopal. And now it was Venugopal's turn to lead Simran into the sales section.

"Where is the women's washroom?" came the next question. "Arr ... umm ... we have a small office. So we share the same washroom among all team members," told Venugopal swallowing his saliva and amusement together. " Hmm ... not something I am used to. But no worries. Kaam chalaa lenge." Came the quick reply. Venugopal quietly walked her to the sales section to make sure that he is able to get back to his seat quickly. As usual, the room was empty. None of the sales people were around since all had been on the field calls. He pointed her to an empty chair meant for visitors and gave her a few journals and marketing material used by the team to spend the waiting hours. Then he summoned the office boy to get her a cup of tea. And then walked hurriedly in the accounts section where a pile of papers was screaming for his attention.

Venugopal started digging into the files one by one. Occasionally, his mind wandered in the thoughts of this new entrant in the office and he could not help feeling amused at her casual attitude. Barely two minutes inside the office and this young lady wanted everyone to call her by her nick name. Not only that, Venugopal was already Venu for her. She was showing generosity in accepting the office space limitations which were not in line with her idea of what the amenities need to be. He smiled to himself. "These Gen Y kids fresh out of management colleges are like that only," He thought. He always carried a dignified persona and was referred as Venugopal jee in the office, juniors and seniors alike. So a twenty something calling him Venu was new to him. And he thought of his daughter Suparna when she was 3. She always heard her mom referring to her father as Venu and insisted to call him the same way. Getting her to call him Daddy was not easy initially. And he smiled yet again while remembering the innocent utterances that Soupie made, the name he gave her as a doting father. And in that way, Simran aka Sweetie was no different.

And then a voice broke the continuity of his thoughts again. "Venu ! It is 30 minutes in the office and I am completely bored," said Simran standing right next to him. The junior clerks around were giving strange looks. Is that his niece or someone? He never mentioned earlier though. This was the question on their faces. "Ohh ... I am sorry. But someone will come soon. Meanwhile, let me introduce you to the folks in my section. Roshan, she is Simran. Joining as a management trainee under Prathamesh. Simran, he is Roshan. He is a junior clerk and takes care of payroll." Venugopal completed his sentence looking at the probing eyes of Roshan. Now he turned to Jay who was trying to keep his eyes away from this conversation. " And this is Jay. He takes care of the sales accounts," he told. " Hi Guys!"chirped Simran." I now know whom to look for my salary !". All of them smiled together. And the lady took charge of the conversation that followed. It was a matter of couple of hours before two more sections knew that there was this Punjabi girl who has joined under Prathamesh, who liked coffee without sugar, had a crush on Justin Bieber and that she loved being addressed as Sweetie, name that her dad gave her because she was the sweetest kid ever born in that hospital! Venugopal was all too happy as she moved from desk to desk making the whole office feel her presence and let him work and finish the pile of papers and files.

Two hours gone and meanwhile our Miss Sweetie made sure no one missed her. Soon after Prathamesh appeared in the office and took charge. And it did not take him long to know that there was someone in the office who had risen high on the popularity charts in barely two hours of his absence from the office. It was now his turn to take Simran or Sweetie as she would like to be called out for her welcome lunch before he could put her in the grind of cut throat sales. And that proved to the hour of enlightenment for him. Sweetie made sure Prathamesh look at the watch for every passing minute by pouring all the gyan she acquired in the B-school. And he,for the first time in his life, felt sorry for his decision to hire a person in his team. This is not going to be a smooth sail is all he thought! Both finished the lunch and came back. Prathamesh gave Sweetie a list of prospects and asked her to dig out all their details from the internet and save the information on the office desktop. This got Sweetie into some busy status for next two hours. Though she kept coming with some silly questions addressed to Prathamesh before he excused himself out of the situation for yet another client visit.

Two more hours passed. Sweetie used them to get even better acquainted with Kavita, the receptionist and found out that Kavita had a boy friend who looked like Akshay Kumar and that he was expected to pick her up by 5.30 pm for a date in distant suburb restaurant. Sweetie handed some tips to Kavita on dating and her dressing sense. Which left Kavita wondering ... But the real thing did not start till the time the closing hours came. Venugopal was trying to wind up quickly to start his commute before the roads got busy. And he heard a familiar voice. " Kahaan rehte hain Venu jee?" Sweetie appeared out of nowhere in front of his desk. "Malad," He replied. " And how do you commute?" was the question that came immediately after. " I have a car". " Cool ! I stay in Goregaon !!". "Great". "I just wished I could find someone to save me of this local train commute. And God heard me. Will you please drop me on the way?". Now Venugopal understood the significance of the "jee" that was spoken in the opening question !! " Sure," he replied briefly. After all, the local trains provide travel conditions which are inhuman even to animals. And today was her first day. Should be okay to drop is what his reluctant mind said to himself.

Twenty minutes in the car with the climate control AC turned on, and Venugopal was still not able to settle his mind. They had already hit the highway and there were fast cars wheezing past him. But there was a barrage of questions and statements constantly being fired at him by the young lady sitting next to him that made him wonder if it was a wise thing to have agreed ! Not again is what he said to himself. But the camel had already entered the tent by now !! There was more to follow. And very soon :-)

It was another twenty minutes of torture before Venugopal finally dropped the lady to her desired destination. And she walked out with a sweetest ever "thank you" to Venu "Jee" ! But hey, the parting shot was even better. She said," Tomorrow you can pick me from this place itself at around 9 am. I am so glad I have daily company now" ! Venugopal could not believe this. He barely uttered anything but had to nod in agreement. Then he looked the other way, adjusted his glasses which had slipped from their usual place on his nose and put the car in gear. It did not take him much time to reach home after that.

He went on the 7th floor to his flat in the elevator which seemed to take more time than usual. He quickly opened the latch of the front door and sunk himself on the sofa chair right next to the window facing the west. The sun was already set but the orange red tinge was still seen on the horizon. He suddenly felt the urge to have some coffee which made him walk into the kitchen despite feeling the lower back pain after the 40 minutes of driving with Sweetie"s verbal hammering on his ears which were otherwise used to listening soft ghazals sung by Jagjit Singh. Soon he fixed himself a mug of instant coffee and then settled again in the sofa chair. As he sipped the coffee, he felt some relief and started thinking about the conversation in the car which was largely a monologue by Sweetie.

"How old are you Venu? How many years are you working here? Oh why so long? 15 years in the same place? I would be so bored beyond 15 months!".

" You are 53 running? Cool ! My dad is 49. But he looks older than you. Typical Punjabi you know. Gone fat and bald sitting in his shop for 30 years. My grandpa made him sit there once he turned 19. So unfair naa? But what to do. Old people are like that. I will never do that to my kids."

" By the way, what about your kids? And are you married?" Venugopal gave a quizzical look on his face. Understanding the goof up, Sweetie quickly apologized. " No I mean how long are you married? What does your wife and kids do?". " I have a daughter of around your age and I am a widower for last 20 years'" Venugopal grimly said. And then there was a silence of awkwardness. " Ohh" was the only word which was uttered followed by a 2 minutes of uncomfortable silence. But our lady could not be deterred from her uncontrollable desire to keep talking. " But ... but ... I mean why you did not get married again. You can still get married. You still look nice you know. For a 50 year old I mean. I know so many women of your age group whom I can introduce". Venugopal was caught so off the guards that he had to put all his might on the brakes to save a puppy who was about to be run over. His car halted with a screeching sound. He looked at Sweetie with little anger. But Sweetie was not the one to understand if it was her who caused this." Ohh that is so sweet of you Venu to have saved the puppy. Had I not got a pair of Golden Retrievers last month, I would not mind taking this one home. We Punjabis looooveee dogs!". Venugopal was somewhat relieved that Sweetie had shifted her topic from match making for him to dogs. " By the way, what is your daughter doing? Is she working?". " No, she is in the US to do her masters in genetics," said Venugopal with a sense of pride. " Genetics? That is so cool. Even I wanted to become a Genetics engineer. But my father wanted to save money. And he put me in an Arts college. So kanjoos naa? What to do. We girls are born to suffer. To have our aspirations killed on a daily basis."

Now was Venugopal's turn to have a good look at this lady sitting comfortably next to him and enjoying the free drive to home. Nowhere she looked deprived. Her clothes, her makeup, her attitude, everything seemed to be bursting beyond the boundaries meant for the underprivileged. He, for a moment, was lost in the thoughts of Soupie. Suparna, the apple of his eyes, his sole reason for existence after the departure of Sumati, his soulmate. Suparna was barely 4, when Sumati died in a freak accident when she went to pick some vegetables across the street just to be knocked down by a speeding biker who vanished from the scene immediately. The passer-byes put her in a rickshaw and took to a nearby government hospital where she was declared as brought dead. The world fell apart for Venugopal. A 4 year old daughter who was barely into kindergartens had now become the center of his world. And a flashback of Soupie's last 18 years fast-forwarded in his eyes. 18 years of suffering silently without complaining even once. She just made sure she would stand by her father's side as firmly as he stood by her. Reluctant as she was to leave him alone in India to pursue her studies abroad, she chose to comply to his wishes.

The monologue continued. The attention was not a precondition as long as it was allowed to continue. " I have a friend whose mom too died few years back. But now her dad is married to a divorced woman. My friend hates her. But her dad is an absolute idiot. Just couldn't control his ... You know what. But I must tell you Venu. You are wise. You did not get married. These divorced women are just after money." Venugopal was amused at the instant judgments this lady passed on subjects hardly known to her. " I have told my dad, if he were to find himself in such situation, he should not get married. I am ok if he has few girl friends. But I will not tolerate any woman who tries to be my mom." By now, Venugopal was unable to decide if he wanted to make this chatterbox leave the car or he himself leave the car and go away !!

Fortunately, the subjects changed quickly. Sweetie was very quick in passing judgments and moving on. So now was her turn to tell him what a popular girl was she in the college and how they are going to miss her. " My canteenwalla says he misses me a lot. Of course yaar, I spent so much time there. So many treats I gave to my friends. After all, who earned the money? !! I have told him, he will be called for catering when I get married. His Vada Pavs are the best in Mumbai." '" You know Venu, he had a crush on me. But he could never say so. People get weak in their knees talking to me. But kya karein, you can't marry everyone. Sahi hai na? Society mein naak cut jayegi daddy ki. He wants me a to marry a boy in Canada. But I don't want to. Saradar hai. I do not like beard. I told him to shave and then meet me !!". Now Venugopal had a smile for the first time in the entire commute. What if Soupie does not want to marry a boy I pick for her? No. I will let her pick her man. Only thing I will do is give my blessings. He for a moment imagined Soupie walking in with a Sikh boy in a turban. Sweetie saw him chuckle to himself and carried on. " Mazaak nahi kar rahi. Not a joke. I am very choosy when it comes to marriage .Not just anyone for me." " Yes. You must be choosy. Today women make the choices. Men just comply." Venu said.

" You must be an awesome father. My father is such a dumbo. His brain is as fat as his belly. Still lives in the  stone age. And mom is not to be left behind. She is either busy making chapatties or busy in some stupid conversation with the ladies in her kitty parties. No class. No style. "

So the judgments continued coming and the convicts kept changing. Finally, Goregaon came and the court was adjourned for the next day. Venugopal suddenly came out of his reverie. He looked at the watch. It was 8 pm. He went inside the kitchen and got into the preparations for the dinner. The night came soon and so did the sleep. ....

Then came the next day. And the next week. And the next month. Now it was 28th of December. Sweetie had become the permanent fixture or a tag to his daily commute. Being nice to all is what he practiced his entire life. Saying a No was not something he learnt in his life. He always felt obliged to walk that extra mile to extend a helping arm to people who needed it. But this helping arm had now started to hurt. For people had started pulling it more than it deserved to be. Soupie knew this and used to get mad at him sometimes."Why you should get dragged in such social work all the time?" She used to say when irritated with his generosity to thankless people. " Oh that is ok. Do not worry!" he would laugh it off. And Soupie would give up. But now for perhaps for the first time in his life, Venugopal started wondering if it was really nice to be nice. With all the youthful energy that Sweetie came with, there was an element in her that was so difficult to handle. He had seen multiple people with multiple personalities in his life. Some were easy to handle and some were a little difficult. But no one was even a distant match to this gem!! Her world seemed to revolve around her questions and opinions and judgments that she passed and they were so stupid and idiotic that even a man with huge patience would be left gasping for breath !

It was a usual Saturday night call from Suparna that got her to know about this new Nakshatra called Sweetie who had made entry in her father's life. She always knew her father as a person who completely believed in the goodness underlying every human being. But she completely got mad at the kindness that he extended to all and sundry. She was the young blood who believed in giving it back to idiots in their own style, something which Venugopal never endorsed. But he never could get her to be convinced with his approach. So after the initial outbursts of anger, Soupie told him," Dad ! You taught me everything that was good for me in my life. But the wisdom says that as they grow, a child becomes the man's father. And I think it is time for me to assume that role. Now that we are at the brink of new year, I think you need to make a new year resolution. I will not entertain non-sense. Cut this crap forever. No matter what. Period." Suparna's voice was stern. Venugopal listened to her meekly. She meant business even while talking from thousands of miles away. And he agreed. As the conversation concluded, he had pledged to his daughter that he will put a full stop to this. And he felt an extreme sense of pride that his daughter has assumed that authoritative role from him and making him re-learn the art of modern living. Next 3 days, he spent preparing himself to follow his new year resolution. He spent some time in front of his mirror attempting to bring some stern expressions on his otherwise benign face. On the third night, on 31st of December, he felt satisfied with the results. He had written and rehearsed some curt one liners to begin the new year with ! And then retired peacefully to his bed.

Next morning as his car sailed out of his building, he had completely forgotten what he had been practicing for the last three days. He had put on the environment control AC which he completely loved and the chants of Gayatri mantra on his Blaupunkt stereo had completely taken him into a different dimension in space and time. As he approached Goregaon, his cars stopped at the usual place and he opened to the car door to welcome the Nakshatra yet again ! "Happy new year Venu !!" Sweetie thundered. That is precisely brought Venugopal back in the real world. "Damn. I did it again !!" He said to himself. He was suddenly engulfed in a pool of guilt. " No. I should not have done that.How am I going to face Soupie tonight. After all those promises I gave her, she is not going to accept that. I am such an idiot," He said to himself. And the next 40 minutes, there was an awkward silence. Sweetie had opened her mouth with her worldly wise pearls of wisdom waiting to overflow. But that day, it was a different expression on Venugopal's face. And Sweetie had never seen that before. She was stupid without doubt. But there were vibes that even she could not miss. So she just put on some songs on her mobile and put on the headphones for rest of the commute.

The whole day was no different. Venugopal was not his usual self. He just said an impersonal happy new year to his branch manager Mrs. Prasad and immersed himself with work. "How can I fail a new year resolution on the first day itself," his inner voice kept asking him for the entire day. By 4.30 pm, he excused himself from the office folks telling them he had a doctor's appointment. He asked Kavita to inform Sweetie just in case she asks and quickly drove off to home. January 1st was mostly low traffic and he reached much earlier than usual. This whole idea of cutting someone ruthlessly from his life was unknown to him. He was constantly questioning himself for his own behavior and its rationale. After all, how can he run away from people that he is supposed to work with? But what about his personal space. Is he not entitled for choosing the people he wants to interact with? How can someone just barge in his mental space and spread crap all over? I love people and people love me. But why is this happening to me? Have I suddenly got changed? Lost in his thoughts, he got a call on his cell phone. "Mrs. Prasad calling? That is a surprise," He thought before he took the call. " Venu ! You left the office early. Hope things are fine with you," said the voice from the other end. " Yes, yes I am fine. no problem. Just a routine check up. But the doctor has postponed it to coming Saturday", Venugopal lied. " I am relieved to hear this. But you were not your usual self today. I thought you were a bit lost even when you wished me for the new year," said Mrs. Prasad. Mrs. Prasad was a person who was an old timer in the company where Venugopal worked. They had shared great memories and knew each other well. Mrs. Prasad had always been a great support where Venugopal needed guidance in Suparna's educational choices. Occasionally, Suparna would directly call and take advice from Mrs. Prasad. Venugopal now opened up a bit. He could trust Mrs. Prasad on advice even on most trivial matters. And he narrated on what had been happening in the last few days and its impact on him. Mrs. Prasad gave a patient ear and listened to the entire story. She paused a bit before she started speaking. " Venu, I know you for 15 years now. You are known to the entire staff for the unconditionally kind and patient person you are. But let me tell you something. No matter how kind and generous we are, we need to accept that we are humans and not God. God is supposed to be noblest entity in this world. But then why we also talk about his wrath and the devastation he causes when people cross certain limits? Very simple. He also wants to run this world in order. He is forgiving but he too has drawn boundaries. Same logic here. Cow is a docile animal. But we still do not mess with its big horns. Don't we? So let it be known to the foolish people that you too have big horns and you know how to use them !!". And both of them burst into laughter. Yes, Venu had understood the point. So the conversation lasted for ten more minutes when Mrs. Prasad inquired about Suparna. And it was Venugopal's turn to proudly describe how she has matured and assumed the dad's role. And how he felt so happy to pass on the role to her. And then the call ended. Venugopal went and sunk once again in the sofa chair.

No it was not yet a closure of business. The phone rung again and a familiar name appeared. Sweetie was calling !! And this time, Venugopal was happy to see a call from her. " Venu jee" She said with an extra sweet tone in her voice. " I am so angry you did not drop me home today". " Do you think I am in any signed agreement with you to give you a daily pickup and drop?" snapped Venugopal. Sweetie was in for a rude shock. But she was not the one to be deterred." You did not speak to me for the whole day. Nor did you tell me you are leaving". " So I guess that was a mistake? I did not know since when I am supposed to follow a new reporting structure. I need to check with the management who all people I need to keep updated regarding my movements in and out of the office." Venugopal had added that sting of sarcasm to his tone. Now Sweetie was taken aback. Her made up sweet tone was now replaced by an apologetic tone. " Venu jee. Kya ho gaya hai apko? You are sounding so different. I do not understand. This office is anyways not treating me fairly. My team members are keeping a distance from the very first week. But you were not like that. What is wrong with you now?" Now it was Venugopal's turn to smile to himself. So she thinks there is something wrong with me !! He had made a commitment to his daughter. And he would not let this chance go on the very first day of the new year. And then he took charge of the conversation like he never did before. " Miss Simran Gulati. You know something? You are half my age. So that makes you of roughly my daughter's age. But you know what? You are born a conceited person. I do not know if I could blame your genes or the way you were brought up, but you have a long way to go before you acquire the maturity to handle life. You think you are an intelligent person. But in an effort to flaunt you cerebral qualities, you display your foolishness. You think you have a sense of humor but you can not differentiate being humorous from becoming a laughing stock. You poke your nose into other people's lives and and pass judgments and offer opinions. But never have taken a stock of your own life. You are blissfully ignorant. But think that you know it all. I have been tolerating all your nonsensical talks and non-stop foolish utterances for well over a month now. But I am kind of getting older every day. And need to take care of my sanity and mental health. I am unable to go on like this any more. So please excuse me hence forth." And this was followed by a few minutes of silence. Venugopal was now wanting to conclude this call. But Sweetie made the last ditch effort. " Venu jee. But I really do not know what wrong did I do. At least tell me. I am ready to change myself," She tried to sound sincere. Venugopal tersely replied," Sweetie, I wish I had the patience. But all I can say is - keep away from me. If you have any queries around your salary or sales incentives, send me a mail. I will reply. Just keep one thing in mind. Talk less smile more. You will do better in life. I have nothing more to say. Bye". Venugopal took a sigh of relief after ending the call. Sweetie made another attempt at calling him. But he was quick to disconnect the call. He was now keen to call his daughter to report his accomplishment of the new year !!

A week passed. And yet another passed. Venugopal had finally found the peace. No more probing questions. No more foolish talk. New year was going great. He briefed Mrs. Prasad about it. And she too was happy that Venugopal discovered his new self. And a weekend came. Saturday afternoon it was when Venugopal had just finished his lunch at home and the door bell rang. He opened the door to find a courier guy with a packet in his hands. He was a bit surprised. Who would have sent this packet? Soupie occasionally sent him small gifts from the US. But this was a local courier. He signed on the papers and took the packet. He opened the packet before even he closed the door behind. Hmm ... this is a book. The book title was " The Art of Living" and a hand written note slipped out of it and fell on the floor. He picked it up curiously and read it. It said - " Venu jee, When I spoke to you the last time, you were angry on me. But I can understand. A man without a woman in his life can find it really difficult to cope with life. And now that your daughter is not around, your loneliness is making you all the more irritable. But I can understand this. I had attended this Art of Living course long time back. This transformed me into the wonderful human being that I am today. Look I am not even angry on you and want to help you. Please accept this book as a small gift from me. It will surely transform you and help you overcome challenges. I am going to Delhi to attend my mama jee's son's wedding. But I will be back in 15 days. Once I am back, I have booked two seats for us in a 5 day course of Art of Living. We will go together in your car. Trust me, you will thank me always in life to have taken you there. It is sometimes that we fail to understand God's message. But you can treat me like his messenger. I will do everything to ensure that it reaches you. With love - Sweetie. Now Venugopal's head was spinning in circle. He looked around and saw Soupie picture in a photo frame. And he looked for her help more desperately than ever before !!

Since that day, Mr. Venugopal has not been reachable. It is 28th of January today. But what I heard from some reliable sources is that he took a three months vacation and took the next flight to New York to spend some sane and secure time with Soupie. Another source tells that Sweetie quit soon after as she found the office staff very non-cooperative and immature. So she switched to another company and is reportedly enjoying the joy rides with her boss in his Merc. He is known to be an even more stupid guy born to a rich Punjabi dad and a Parsi mom. Sweetie has finally found her match and her bald and fat dad is not averse to marry her off asap with her boss. Apparently, art of living will finally work for her. And she is destined to remain conceited and happy forever. And yes. Mr. Venugopal is what he always wanted to be. He is in peace with himself !!!

God and me

I have always shared a very special relationship with God. I believe in his existence. I feel his presence all the time. But I keep getting suspicious about the tall claims people make about his capabilities and powers. Is he that good? Is he that dependable? Whatever ...

Okay so who is God to me? Honestly speaking, I find him a nice guy. He has noble intents. But he is kind of busy all the time. And in fact a bit lost all the time. He created a unique species called humans which he thought would be his best creation ever with the fine qualities and powers he bestowed on them. But it was an experiment which did not quite go right. The humans, despite being the fine species they are, got something which wreaked havoc. They got aware of the monster powers of brain and a misplaced belief that they could actually make God redundant by using this power. From then on, they have kept this very powerful but nice and adorable powerful person called God on his toes !

But regardless of the fact that he too had his share of failures, I look at God as a very special person in my life. He is a cool dude. Has a square chin and broad shoulders. An aquiline nose with gentle smile on the lips and a twinkle in his eyes. And though he never showed, I am sure he has a decent six pack too. But he is too shy to flaunt it. He is a completely chilled out guy. He does not have a halo, but greets me always with a Hello in his deep baritone voice which is husky at times. And he is a bit laid back. When I have a morning cup of tea, he sits next to me. Like me, he too loves the ginger tea and gets tempted with its aroma. And like me, he is also a person who loves listening to lounge music and enjoy his solitude. But I really do not know why he suddenly vanishes from the scene when I get into my daily grind. Is that when he also gets into his daily grind? Perhaps true. I guess his hands are always full with daily issues. So I let him be. Most of the time. He has a sense of humor too and can laugh at himself. I love pulling his leg when the world of his own creation is in a chaotic mess. I call him Go(o)d for nothing in such situations. And he smiles. And lets me have a laugh at his expense. Then I tell him - It is okay to fail as a God sometimes. After all , God is a human too !! And he is chilled out about such comments. He never takes his God status too seriously to feel angry over the digs. I wonder what he does in the afternoon hours. Enjoy his afternoon siesta? Or I suspect I may as well find him chilling out in a pub enjoying a mug of beer with a Havana cigar lit in his hands. I am sure he has great taste even in his choice of the vices that he has !

He has an impeccable choice of clothes too. He does not dress up in the yellow dhoti that those 5000 year old stories describe him wearing. Nor does he have any snakes clinging to his body. Does not even put the peacock feather on his forehead. He has a fine collection of tweed suits and silk ties which he wears when sitting silently next to me during my business presentations. When I am nervous, he just pats reassuringly on my back and goes missing. And I get my confidence back. But if he does not turn up in time before the presentation, I give him an earful in case I land in a mess. He does not mind all that. Tells me, he had to pat the backs of some 6 billion and counting people all over. So little glitches are expected. Learn to survive without me. You can do well without me ! And I understand. It is very human to be a God :-). He does not carry the bows or the arrows, the spears or the swords or the axe or the tridents for a weapon. But I am sure he secretly carries his 9 mm pistol inside the pocket of his waist coat. Just makes sure, he does not scare me off :-)

But sometimes I feel God would have been better as a woman. He is a great guy. But there is something missing. He delivers but ... What if this great friend of mine would have been a woman? I wonder what she would be dressed up like. A saree? Yes. That she will be nicely draped in a Kerala style white saree with a golden border? I love that idea. Even a black saree with golden zari work would be terrific. Or may be a white saree with a red border like those Bengali beauties wear. Anything is fine. But I am also ok with having my God wearing blue denims with a white tee. Especially when I want to catch up with her in later afternoon tea breaks. And she should have those rectangular black rimmed spectacles to add to her style and class. Occasionally a business suit would be a great idea. My friends would call me crazy. But I am sure my woman God will look like that. And beyond the looks, I want her to be different in a special way. She may still go missing from during my daily grind and can choose to stay away for long time. But she has to be around when my fellow humans inflict wounds to my heart and soul. She is the God into whose lap I want to sink my head and hide my tears when the world falls apart. She is the God who would run her gentle fingers through my hair and softly but firmly make me stand up for myself when I am nursing a bruised soul. She is the God who would make me keep the glass of wine aside and look for solace in her kind eyes. She would be the first who would give me a warm embrace and plant the most affectionate kiss on my forehead when I am numb with pain. And she will be free of the glitches which my man God does. After all she is a woman. She can deftly multi-task and yet smile. And tell me - It is ok to fail sometimes. But you can still make it ! And I will, eventually ...

For those of you who do not believe it can happen, you are wrong. Even God needs to be a woman to do his job better. And she will appear someday. I am waiting. And I still continue to love my God who is a man. He is the dude who makes me feel good about myself. He is my bro who often punches me on my shoulders and tells me - Tension mat le yaar ! And I love him !!

Values, ethics & morals - What are they?

Values, morals and ethics are three words that we get to hear all the time. "These are the values I have been brought up with". " You have to stick to your morals". " One should always be high on ethics". They sound very familiar. Don't they? Yes. We have been hearing same or similar lines from the days of our childhood in all walks of life. At home, in school, at the workplace,and on various social and religious forums. And over a period of time, I have been pondering a lot over them. What got me into thinking about them has got much to do with my own life experiences. Be it a situation in my own life or a scenario staring at someone whom you care for, I observed the impact of these words and its consequences which ranged from short duration to a very long term. And this has been playing on my mind very hard these days and is the very reason to put down my perspective here.

When I started exploring the meaning of these words, I found various interpretations in the different online as well as offline / printed resources. Looking at dictionaries gave a very similar meaning to all the tree words. Value - " principles or standards of behavior; one's judgement of what is important in life". Morals - "standards of behavior; principles of right and wrong". Ethics - " moral principles that govern a person's behavior or the conducting of an activity". So if you look closely, the common word here is "principle" or a "standard" of behavior.

I also got view points from people belonging to different age groups, gender, professions, level of intellect. I also got some inputs from people who were not necessarily the ones whom I admired. Nevertheless, the views were still there and it was important to consider them. Talking to these people also did not yield very different results as to what is their understanding of a value, moral or ethics. They all felt that these words ultimately mean some kind of a principle or a guideline to lead your life in a socially acceptable manner or the "right" conduct. At this point, I got fairly convinced that these words mean some kind of a principle that one needs to adhere to. So I wanted to go a step further and find out what is this principle or set of principles or standards, who set them and how they impact the life. This is the point where the whole problem started ...

One of the principles that is common is "being honest". This word means being truthful, sincere and free of deceit. Take a real life scenario. I find a 100 rupee note on a street and I try to find the owner and hand over the money to him. I exercised honesty. He felt happy. Simple? Yes indeed! Now come to the next scenario.I see my close friend stealing a book from a store. And I report to the store owner and tell him the truth. I exercised honesty yet again. Result? This makes the store owner happy and I lose a friend. Simple? Not quite! At this point, you may have a different view perhaps. You may want me to attempt convincing my friend to keep the book back in store. Why? Can I not keep things very simple here and report the incident? What would be your views, if the person stealing the book was not my friend? In this case, perhaps you may give me the liberty to go ahead and report! So here comes in a realization. A principle can not be an absolute standalone guideline. There are pre-conditions. If they are met, you can practice them straight away. Else, take a different path. So you need to first assess the impact of following the principle on your acquaintances, society, nation or anything else that you may feel more important than the principle itself !!! But this was never told to me explicitly either by the books or the people who defined what are ethics, moral and values. I came to know of the associated riders only out of experience. I also came to know, that these are very flexible terms. Flexible to the convenience of the user :-)

Okay now look at it from different perspective. Moral values and ethics keep changing with times. They keep changing with place. And they also keep changing to suit the occasion. What is considered sin from a moral perspective may not be against the law. Why the society shuns two people in an intimate relationship outside the wedlock when the law of the land is perfectly ok to treat it as a relation between two consenting adults? So where does values, moral and ethics stand even legally? Is this not quite confusing and misleading? We expect laws to identify and protect the right from what is wrong. So does this mean that there is a lack of overlap between the legal standards and the ethical standards. This gets me into a quagmire of thoughts every single living day of my life.

There is a lot more on this yet to come. The answers are not yet there. And they won't come easy. And they may not be pleasant as well. But for me, they are worth exploring. Would you agree?